SMF: What are some of the common blind spots plaguing singles dating today?
Bari: Blind spots are hidden from our view and can keep us from our happiness. A few examples of blind spots is when a single person says he or she wants to get married, but does not date. Or if the person is dating but is being negative or cynical about the process. Blind spots often manifest as the gap between what a person says he or she wants and what he or she is (or is not) doing to achieve their goal.
Another blind spot is looking only at external and superficial elements when dating – evaluating a potential match based only on looks, income level or status – instead of the elements that make great marriages: an emotional bond, admiration, shared vision, values and goals. Many singles describe the kind of person they want to meet but are not “being” that way when dating. For example, saying they want to meet someone warm, kind, and compassionate, but when dating instead of “being” warm kind, and compassionate they are “being” the opposite: doubtful, negative or cynical. Many singles don’t realize that they just need to meet one wonderful, matching person who is right for them to share their life with and they don’t need a lot of second dates to achieve that. They should not compare themselves and their needs to those of anyone else.