The Chedva Beat: What are children missing today?



Shoshana: Today children are missing the right conditions required to help them reach their full human potential. While it is obvious that it would be unthinkable to remove a fetus from the womb in order to make it develop faster, the general practice today is to do so with older children. If the fetus needs a “womb” until it reaches physical viability, it is possible to say that children continue to need a “womb” in order to develop emotional and psychological viability. This “womb” is secure attachment with parents, in which the child is in the dependent position. The child must feel that his parents, in a sense, are holding on to him, offering him an unconditional invitation to exist in their presence, just as he is with no prior conditions. Parents must remain in the “mother goose” position, acting as the compass point for their children, so that the children can remain oriented to their parents in order to receive their cues and directions from their parents.This is what children are missing today, sometimes as early as pre-school, and certainly when they reach adolescence.

The Chedva Beat: To what degree does the Neufeld Paradigm influence your work?


Shoshana: I have been working with attachment in mind for the past 30 years. But when I was introduced to the Neufeld Paradigm about five years ago, it was so transforming that I left certain areas of my work so that I could master my understanding of the application of the paradigm.  Today I can say that the paradigm is the foundation of my work, and I feel the urgency of bringing this insight to as many parents, teachers and anyone who works with childen as I can.  It explains the challenges we face today in raising our children and offers a way through these challenges that makes sense, is intuitive and doable.

About Shoshana Hayman

Shoshana Hayman entered the field of parent education and consultation as an ICCE Certified Childbirth Educator (International Childbirth Education Association), breastfeeding counselor with La Leche League International and parent group facilitator (Faber/Mazlish Workshops). She worked with parents in the United States and Canada for ten years until 1987, when she moved to Israel and received certification in parent education by Bar-Ilan University and the Israel Ministry of Education. She founded Life Center, Center for Attachment Parenting in Israel, in order to publish books for parents, train professionals in the attachment approach, and create cultural awareness about raising children with attachment in mind. She has given hundreds of workshops throughout Israel to parents and teachers, making How to Talk So Kids Will Listen a household name in Israel. She continued her search for deeper understanding of children and adolescents, and in 2004 met Dr. Gordon Neufeld whose insights resonated with her deepest intuition. She began a program of study directly with Dr. Neufeld in order to study the Neufeld Paradigm and its application. She has been appointed to the role of Neufeld Institute Faculty, Faculty Adviser, Authorized Neufeld Parent Consultant and Presenter. In Jerusalem, Shoshana works with the Lander Institute Jerusalem Academic College in the development of a Parenting School based on the developmental-attachment approach. Her passion and commitment have led her to seek and train other professionals in Israel who have a strong desire to help parents and teachers understand what children truly need to realize their human potential. She is the mother of 6 children and grandmother of 14. Her daughter, Elana, works together with her. Shoshana’s family continues to be her greatest source of joy, fulfillment and insight into how children can grow up to be fulfilled, responsible and caring individuals. Be in touch with Shoshana at: or by Email
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