SMF: How did honoring your “top emotional needs” and not compromising on your personal “values” help to attract your husband?
Bari: Honoring my own emotional needs allowed me to be true to myself and to date with confidence and clarity. Before I understood what my top emotional needs were, dating was mysterious, leaving me to choose dates based only on interests and chemical attraction. Once I understood what my top emotional needs were, I was able to attract someone who could meet those needs. By finally knowing myself and giving serious thought to how I wanted to live and the future I wanted to create, I began to honor myself and my vision for the future so I could find someone who shared that vision. When I gained clarity and trust in myself, it became clear to me when someone had the potential to be a match and when they didn’t. Through the process of becoming true to myself and asking the important questions (that in the past I hadn’t considered) – what do I truly want and need in a relationship; how do I want to feel in a relationship; how do I want to live; what kind of family and spiritual life do I want – I was able to attract someone who shared my vision, someone with whom I shared mutual admiration and vision for a lifetime of partnership.