SMF: What is the “intention” in Intentioned Touch?
Matt: Intentioned Touch means physically touching another person with purposeful intention. This is extremely important when touching your spouse. The power that comes out of our hands is so strong — and the information that is transferred is much more than we are usually aware of — that we must be very careful to protect ourselves and our spouses from any negative forces. We want our touch to be pure and loving, not disgusting and sleazy. Taking a moment before or during the first few seconds of physical contact to notice what you are feeling and thinking and, if need be, to block it out, will not only make your intimate contact with your spouse that much more pure and purposeful, but will train you to do the same in all other aspects of your life. Learning to harness these powers of intention in a safe, holy and non-judgmental space is the perfect starting point.
We can be fully aware of our intentions during physical contact. Intention can also be put forth before or even during contact that is meant to continue although conscious awareness is not always maintained. For example, a client walked into my office just a few minutes after I received an upsetting phone call. I have an obligation to treat my client with respect, honor and sensitivity, but I am still upset about the call. Those feelings and thoughts can literally get transferred faster than light. I approached the situation by stating consciously to myself to put those feelings and thoughts aside for the moment and allowed myself to stay open to listen to what my client needed. It’s like creating a walled boundary around your focused intention to make it stay that way for the time needed. By the way, having intention not to take in negative energy (feelings, thoughts, etc.) can be done the same way.
Another example is taking a thought and actualizing it through your hands, like helping a tight muscle relax and release. Place your hands on your spouse’s shoulders and hold them in place. Your goal now is to help allow certain muscles to relax. How do we transfer the thought of relaxation into and out of our hands? Your emotions and feelings are the key! Inside you must really feel relaxed, warm, and safe. As you do this, you’ll notice the muscles underneath your hands start to relax. It’s an awesome feeling! And you’ll get immediate feedback from your spouse either by them falling asleep or just not wanting to move. Someone who falls asleep while you are touching them is paying you a very high complement because it means they really trust you.
When I was in massage school there were some people who I couldn’t stand being touched by; it was just a disgusting, nasty feeling. And there are some therapists and people whose touch you never want to stop. I’ve had experiences with people who, when they touch you, make you feel like the only thing in the world for them is YOU! There is a deep, intuitive knowledge that they are listening to you with every fiber of their being with no prejudgment, prejudice or need to change you. They know how to just be there with you and allow you to be the real you. That, I believe, is an invaluable tool for spouses to have. It’s the ultimate art of listening.